Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
NoShamevember. You game?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
