You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Randomize