So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
