The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
