No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
