You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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