i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
