He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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