im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
