Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize