I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize