I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize