I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
