We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
