I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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