Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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