Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
