i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
