and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
