We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
