On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Randomize
