Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
