Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
