I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
