wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
