This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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