Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
