that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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