So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize