Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
