we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
