Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
