he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
