absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
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