doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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