Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
