I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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