Barsexuality is the new black.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
