you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
