if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize