Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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