im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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