my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
