Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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