I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
