How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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