I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize