dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
