So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
