There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
