yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
