You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Randomize
