If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
