Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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