you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
