You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
