Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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