Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
