I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize