I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
