Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
