i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
