i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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