I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
