I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
