I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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