finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
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